Back to School Reminders for Parents of ADHD Children

The back-to-school season is a big shift for children and parents alike. New routines, earlier mornings, changing expectations, new social interactions, remembering all of the things, it can feel like a lot all at once, especially for ADHD families.  

Whether this is your first year navigating it or you’ve done it many times before, here are some reminders I find myself sharing with parents (and myself!) to keep in mind during the transition period. 

🎒 It's a huge transition for your children (and likely you too).

ADHDers can struggle with big transitions like this regardless of how many times they've been through it before. Even if the school, teachers, and routines are familiar, the shift from summer flexibility to school structure is a big nervous system demand. Set your expectation that it’s likely they will struggle with this transition.  Anticipating it, rather than being confused by it, means things go smoother for all involved. 

🗓 Minimize after school expectations when possible.

Give your children time to regulate in whatever way they need to: zoning out, playing, resting, reading, or engaging in a favorite activity. Simply going to school in a new room with a new schedule with new people is hard enough.  Adding another transition from a structured day to another set of demands can increase overwhelm. Allowing time for a reset helps their body and brains recalibrate. 

🍎 Have food available immediately.

Eating can help regulate energy and mood. Some parents find it helpful to serve supper right after school for the first two weeks, followed by a light “second supper” later in the evening if needed. A quick snack is good too, but if they’re still hungry, they’re more likely to be dysregulated until they have a full meal. 

🤫 Minimize Questions (unless they want to talk).

If they walk in the door already dysregulated, asking lots of questions will only add to the overwhelm. Wait until they’re clearly in a regulated state before diving into all the details about their day.   Some children regulate by verbally processing, so follow their lead: if they want to tell you all about their day, then go with it.  Some ADHDers have to work really hard to control their body and speech all day and really appreciate having a chance to just let it all out.  

Side note: if this is the case, don’t automatically assume they present the same at school.  While some children may, many times it’s because they’ve been working so hard to contain their busy brain all day and because they feel safe with you that you see this.  

🙃 Expect variability.

One day they may come home completely wiped out; the next, they might be overflowing with energy. Their nervous system is adjusting, and fluctuations are part of the process.

🙂 Don't take reactions personally.

If your child snaps, withdraws, or melts down, right after coming home.  It’s likely not about you, it’s just their nervous system is overloaded from trying to adapt to the demands of the day. Your calm presence can help them feel safe while they reset.

Here’s a couple potential responses:

“I can see you’re feeling (agitated, overloaded, overwhelmed, worn out) right now. What would help you feel more like yourself?” 

“I’m seeing that me asking you questions was overloading you right now.  You can have this snack, then go (enter regulation strategy you know helps them) and we can check in later.” 

🌀 Provide co-regulation as needed.

When you keep your own nervous system calm and regulated, it signals to theirs to do the same. That can mean offering a quiet presence, gentle touch, or a shared activity that helps them settle. (This is the really hard part because your nervous system will naturally want to match theirs, so you have to stay really aware of what’s happening internally for you and may need to take action to regulate yourself first, then return to provide co-regulation). 

👌 Give yourself grace.

You’re also adapting to new schedules, offering extra reminders, and supporting your child through this transition. Reduce unnecessary demands on yourself and take steps to meet your own needs. Your regulation benefits your child.

Back-to-school transitions can be bumpy, but most families find their rhythm within a couple of weeks. In the meantime, approach these days with compassion: for your child and yourself. You’re both doing important, exhausting work, and if you took the time to read this, I can tell you care a lot and are doing great!

Bobbi-Jo Molokken

ADHD Coach & Educator

Embrace the Muchness LLC

If you'd like more strategies for navigating shifts and overwhelm during this time, you might find these helpful:

Navigating Transitions with ADHD — Explore additional ways to support yourself and your child through both big and small changes, including this back-to-school season.

Parenting ADHD Resources - View a collection of resources for parents of ADHD children on our Ultimate ADHD Tools & Resource Guide

Parent Coaching - Learn more about the coaching services I offer for parents of ADHD children.